While this book is not a self-help book, it contains a unified framework for the concept of the self. In the process of arguing for his particular view, the author describes numerous experimental studies in psychology that are useful to be aware of. As he argues in one section, just like we are better off learning about the processes undergoing in our digestive system by reading the results of scientific studies involving many people rather than introspecting, we will often gain more insight into the functioning of our psychological makeup by learning about what most people are like.

An set of intriguing studies shows that strangers are as good and sometimes better at knowing about your motives, goals, and satisfaction with life events. There are studies that indicate that people would do well in avoiding introspection in some situations, while some ways of ‘looking within’ are very beneficial. It would be a severe disservice to the book to summarize its contents into a paragraph, so I will abstain.

With reference to happiness, the book has a very helpful chapter which describes several studies from which one can draw self-help lessons. One argument I have not seen in other books was that the highly beneficial mechanism we have to deal with negative events in our lives (by explaining them away with some narrative) cuts both ways: by explaining away the happy occurrences, we undermine our enjoyment of them later on. It seems that savoring good events in life may require refraining from having a story. An important lesson comes from a study where people were asked to write a narrative about some difficult event in life; though expectedly the people were more sad immediately after the exercise, there were long-lasting benefits. A hypothesis is that when a person provides a coherent story describing the events (e.g. death of a loved one), remembrance of the event no longer brings forth many scattered thoughts but instead a cohesive narrative; it is such a narrative that makes dealing with a loss easier. There are also descriptions of several pitfalls people can make when aiming for more happiness in life that can surely be of help to some readers.

People may think that a lot of introspection will bring forth better understanding of one’s desires, feelings, and goals and thus will give a better compass to follow towards achieving more-lasting happiness. This book (amongst others) emphasizes that there are many times when introspection is not a fruitful approach, indeed it may be hurtful. Being wise is knowing when to ‘study’ oneself more, and when to let go; this book can help.

Even if this book is not directly aimed at the topic of happiness, it has a lot of content one can draw valuable self-help lessons from; I highly recommend this book.

The author of this book has developed a method for helping people get over their (lifetime & severe) phobias in under an hour (compare to months or years for psychoanalysis). He claims to never have had a patient with a phobia he couldn’t help cure. While the author does not cite scientific evidence for the claims he makes, the demand for his services by people across the US is an indication his advice works at least for some. It is entirely likely the techniques he provides in this book will be of help to many of the book’s readers.

In short summary: he provides a framework for dealing with emotions ranging from stress, anxiety, phobia to love, appreciation, and happiness. He describes a unified way of decreasing the unwanted emotions while replacing them with emotions one desires more. The premise is simple to describe, but I suspect as with anything requires at least some practice and patience.

Very generally: you are to become more aware of your  ”modalities” (e.g. hearing, seeing, feeling of emotion) and of the origins of your feelings. Most importantly, one’s fear of heights isn’t “out there” (others can stand at the same height without such fear) but is “in the body”. “Listening” to where such fear originates (e.g. in the gut) and noticing (a rather Zen-like way of being a non-judgmental observer) how the feeling spreads, one can begin to control it (Bandler claims it will always feel like it’s spinning). By grasping the control of it, accelerating or slowing/reversing the rotation, one can begin to handle such fears. Another approach is to play with the photos/movies that pop into your mind upon some stimulus. For example, rather than remembering a picture/movie of a snake biting and killing someone every time one sees a snake, one could rehearse and thus replace the response with imagining circus music along with pictures of non-lethal snakes being friendly. In human relations: instead of remembering all the minor things your partner did wrong through the day, remembering the best moments you’ve shared together upon seeing their face will provide for a more pleasant interaction every time.

The book provides advice (that seems very reasonable and I suspect will work very well for many people) about many aspects of life: falling out of love (in an abusive relationship), falling deeper in love, overcoming fears of public speaking, and much more. One of the great features is that the toolbox the author provides is diverse in use yet is a unified approach for dealing with life’s bads and goods.